I think I left my heart in China - well at least part of it....

Some of my best thinking time is done while I am rocking one of my children and right now Linnea is the one who needs the rocking most of the time.  I wish I could journal and rock at the same time because that is when my thoughts are most clear.  It is a great time of reflection for me and also just quiet time alone with the Lord.  So as I was rocking her this late morning for her nap my mind opened up - and so did the floodgates.  I should note here that China was never even on my radar until my senior year in college when I was interning at a church in south GA and weekend living with a family whose son was living there. Then of course I was given the opportunity to go and well God opened my heart in way I could have never imagined - even at this very moment I cannot really explain it.  Some people have a heart for places in South America like Brazil,  the Dominican Republic,  or Cost Rica.  Others invest in places like Ethiopia, Uganda, and the Congo. I don't know what it is about these certain places that stir up something in our souls except that God has uniquely wired our hearts to have a passion for all these places and more.  He is using His people to bring glory for His name and for His gospel to be made known and my heart he wired for China.  A place where 1.3 billion people live. The official religion is atheism. The social injustices are to numerous to count and there are more than 90 million orphans who need a home.  Yes my heart aches for this place.  Sometimes I wish you could just see inside my heart and know the longing the Lord has placed in my heart for this communist nation, I wish you could see the absolute joy it brings me when I think about the times I was there and the people I met. All His creation!!!  I had a friend tell me they could see it on my face - yes sometimes I wish I could transport myself and my family there.

My heart aches is full of joy for the people.  Some of these people were just random people we met at the Great Wall and the Botanical Gardens no lasting relationships formed -  but none the less souls that I am not sure have ever heard of the Savior - remember evangelism isn't exactly legal.  Then there are people we forged relationships with - people you come to love. They ALL need to hear.

And of course my heart aches for the orphans...especially the second one I thought we would bring home and didn't....

I know God is sovereign and has a plan far better than the ones I ever craft. And I know now that one of the reasons it worked out this way is Linnea.  She simply needs our one on one attention and having two special needs children at once would have made that harder than it already is.  Some of you may call me crazy but I do think about another little girl out there and her name is Kaylah.  I would go adopt again next week if it was what the Lord wanted us to do.  Yes even with all the sleepless nights and lack of communication and all the other hard stuff that can come with adoption even the naysayers and yes there were those who didn't agree with our pursuit of adoption - I would still do it all over again if it was the Lords will.  The joy is indescribable!!!!  My heart longs to become a mother again to another Chinese little girl with special needs.  Of course I will just have to wait and see what the Lords plans are as His ways are higher than my ways. I just want to be obedient to whatever His will be.

These pictures above are just a few kids from the Maoming Social Welfare Institute. The day we were there the orphanage had 200 plus children in their care.  Children with out a mommy or a daddy for whatever reason.  Mothers and Fathers who felt they had no choice but to give up their child.  Heartbreaking.  I would have brought them all home if I could.

I don't understand why the Lord didn't allow me to go live in China when I clearly felt called and filled out all the necessary paperwork and even began making plans to live overseas.  What I do know is that I am right where the Lord wants me to be and I am doing exactly what he wants me to be doing.  I have  fields ripe for harvest right in front of me - four in particular and a neighborhood full.  So for now I will continue to pray for that country I love so much and the other half of my heart lives in and I will pray that God will direct our hearts to do His will for His glory.