bittersweet....

Tonight is my last night in China - as I sit here typing and thinking, and reflecting I am looking out the window from our hotel room to this very big city - once might look out and think its rather gloomy looking, dirty, and way overcrowded, buildings so close together they are practically touching one another and the majority of these buildings are apartments - just in my immediate view I can count at least 15 apartment buildings = and some of them are high rise - but not in the fancy sense of the word.  There are close to 12 million people in just this city alone and each one of them has a story.  These people speak a language that is beyond me and even in that language there are several different dialects none of which I clearly can understand – but I love to hear their conversations and the inflections they use with their voices.   I am fascinated as we go out at night for dinner walking the streets of Guangzhou. You know one thing I think I will always get a kick out of is Chinese fashion! Today we saw a guy wearing a shirt that said "I am a style icon" - do they even know what their shirts say or mean?  It just cracks me up!  I love people watching and thinking about back home – what seems worlds away – you all are up and getting your day started and here we are winding down for the night.  I wish I could explain all the feelings this place conjures up inside me – but I can’t – I am just in awe.  I love this place.  If I could have my other children here with me and could find a place to live and have a somewhat normal life – I would stay here – not forever but for a time.  It’s no surprise that this was where I wanted to live before I met my prince charming.  Therefore tonight is bittersweet for me.  Don’t get me wrong – I am MORE than ready to get my hands around my sweet boys that I left at home and I am ready to sleep in my bed among other things, but I am also a little sad to leave this place behind.  You know last year when we left – I left knowing I would be back one day for another little girl – I had no idea it would land me back so quickly – but tonight I think its pretty safe for me to say I won’t be coming back next year – I am not sure how soon I will be back.  And I leave friends behind here – it occurred to me tonight that when you adopt you are not just adding a new family member to your own family – you get to add a bunch of other families into that mix as well.  Families from Idaho, Tennessee, Virginia, and then of course the friends you make here in China – like Miko our guide whom I’ve come to love, and Rebecca our other LL guide.  I think of the strangers I have seen in the streets or in the stores, the waiters at restaurants we have frequented, the beggars on the street.  All likely lost – do they know about HOPE – the HOPE?  I must confess – as we were preparing for this trip – I was a little concerned that I would get homesick and just be ready to get out of this country and home asap.  I prayed hard that God would not let that happen – that whatever happened on this trip that I would not lose my love and zeal for this communist dark country that so needs the LIGHT!! God was faithful – beyond what I could imagine – because after our Gotcha day almost two weeks ago I laid down on the couch in our hotel room weary, exhausted, emotional and out of tears just wanting to come home and here I am tonight – a little sad to be leaving.  I am thankful – thankful that God has burdened my heart for this place – thankful that HE is sovereign and thankful to be coming home.  Who knows maybe one day we HE will give us the opportunity to live here for a season- I can certainly pray that way J. 

Tomorrow we start our journey home.  We finished up Abbie’s visa paperwork today at the consulate and will wait for her passport/visa to arrive tomorrow.  This has indeed been a journey.  I have so many pictures to share but the Internet has not exactly been cooperative so I guess I will just picture overload when I get home and get over jetlag! 

Luke and Ethan two more sleeps for you and Mommy and Daddy, Nathan and Abbie are home!! We have missed you soo much!!  Can’t wait to see you!!  Next post Lord willing will be from the USA!