Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Its a library kind of night...

Every now and then as David is getting ready to leave for work - he will say to me today is a "library day."  The very first time he ever told me this - I was like "what???" totally confused - I mean after all what do libraries and selling chicken have in common.  What he meant was that on that particular day he was dedicating his time somewhere off site (in other words not at the home office) to work - catch up on thousands of emails, work on documents etc.  Now he could go to the library - he just needed a quiet place that had free wifi.  Tonight I have created my own library right in my own kitchen.  It has been one of those days that I really would just like to have a do over of (just keeping it real) - but thankfully HIS mercies are new every morning.  And sweet DP actually offered for me to get out of the house for the night - just to go to Starbucks alone to catch up on my literally hundreds of emails.  However I/we have been gone every night this week and I have to be gone tomorrow night - so I really just wanted to stay home.  So I created my own Starbucks atmosphere complete with hot tea and wifi and the best part it was all free and I got to stay in my comfy warm clothes.



My whole purpose for this post is that I want to remember this season that I am living in (not that I think I might forget) I just really want to look back and recall what the Lord has been teaching me.  Clearly back in September the last time I posted I had all these visions of keeping up a blog and making our homeschool blog a yearbook and just journaling down all these memories that are in the making.  But alas real life happens and it did not include blogging.  And I am finally okay with that.  I just need to enjoy the memory making in progress.  On to the point....

Life for us has changed so much in the last two years.  We went from 3 bundles to 4 bundles to 5 bundles and the two new bundles were not baby bundles and they carry baggage... makes a big difference...

As I read the above sentence aloud over and over and let it sink in - my mind is flooded with memories - thank goodness since I don't seem to blog much :-)  There have been lots of joyful memories and fun special occasions AND there have been lots of tired days, exasperated moments.  I have learned so much about sinful self AND my Divine Father.  I was talking with a friend today and she was asking me how life is going these days and I shared with her that this precious verse from Psalms has meant so much to me and God continues to brings it to my mind continually for a million different reasons at a million different times

"The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made......The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works."

I had these great intentions of checking out my favorite commentary and reading what Boice had to say about the whole chapter of Psalm 145 - and I wanted to share it but time got away from me and I am already on borrowed time finishing up this post so maybe another day...ha who am I kidding... I just want to remind myself of this:

Life for me is crazy and I LOVE it.  But I have to be honest - it is hard.  I have two girls who are special needs and communication is not their top skill (unlike their mama)  I homeschool, and I have a boy who is on the brink of that preteen stuff -YIKES!!!! There are days (more than I care to have) when I seem to have NO patience with my precious bundles and I am quick to anger and I am not compassionate and they probably surely are not feeling like they are abounding in my steadfast love.  And everyday is different - each day has its own set of challenges - no one day is like the other because you know that would be to easy!! This is not what I want!!! 

And there God is faithful in all his words reminding me who HE is through HIS written word -that I feel like I never have time to read- so I can be HIM to my bundles - gracious, compassionate, slow to anger.  See the very people that I love the most in this world - the very people who I so desperately want to know really KNOW who Jesus is - don't always see who Jesus is through me.  BUT thankfully - slowly but surely HE is refining me - I am actually glad it is not some quick process - because then I would be back to square one thinking I had it all together again - and in reality - I will NEVER have it all together until Christ returns.  So for now when I have those "mama said there'd be days like this" I quote "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love....faithful in all his words and kind in all his works"and I am thankful its not all up to me....

Father - thank you for your words - thank you for dwelling in me.  Thank you for refining me and thank you that its not all up to me.  But most importantly thank you for forgiveness, thank you that your mercies are new every morning.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It is so great to read about your life again! I have missed your posts and hearing about your 5 bundles.
Thank you! Love Erin