Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Gotcha days past....

Today marks exactly two years ago that sweet Linnea Hope was placed into our arms and became a part of the Pruiksma bunch.  I have watched videos, looked through pictures on and off today and it all evokes so much emotion in me.  I remember the pure joy.......


and the heartache.....

I have said it a million times before and I will say it a million times more - adoption is not for the faint of heart.   So much of our lives have changed in the past two years and as one of my favorite broadway songs says "I've been changed for good..."  

If I could put my thoughts into words - I would try but I am sure they would not do justice the emotion of this day.  

Earlier today I took a video of Linnea and I will post it as soon as it loads.  She has come miles since we first laid eyes on her.  The most noticeable change is obviously she has found her voice.  Oh how this brings me soo much joy to hear her little voice try and communicate with us.  She is a brave and determined little girl - we have much to look forward to I am sure of.  

As I rocked her to sleep tonight just as I did the first night I had her in the same pjs she wore the first night we had her - my thoughts drifted to her birth mom, and her foster mom.  Oh what a sacrifice both of these women made.  I often talk about Linnea's foster mom and every now and then I mention her "China mommy" and I asked her tonight if she thought her "China mommy" missed her and she said yes in this most precious tender voice - and oh she must be so right.  In that very moment I was struck not for the first time or the last time at what a truly precious gift I have been given.  There are just no words - I am simply far and above and beyond blessed to be this little girls mama.  I am forever grateful to the "China mommy" for whatever her reasons may have been or maybe she just didn't have a choice - whatever the case maybe she gave me a gift and as a mama I know there has to be a hole in her heart.  There is not doubt in my mind that her foster mama misses her - this was beyond evident when we got to meet with them our second trip back.  Linnea was loved and so missed - I have thought of that dear woman often today as it marks the day she had to say goodbye to Linnea while I got to say hello for a lifetime - again a gift!!

Sweet Linnea Hope:
Oh my precious little bundle.  Mommy and Daddy are beyond grateful to have you home with us.  We thank God so much for the gift you are to us and our family.  You have faced lots of opposition in your short lifetime and you are a fighter.  You have a determination that is fierce, so keep fighting girl - you have LOTS of potential!!  I know that one day you may have lots of questions that mommy and daddy can't answer but what we can do is point you to the ONE who does answers.  You are learning that God made you and HE made you for HIS glory.  It is our prayer that you will not just know Him but that you will know Him and His love for you.   May you be a fighter for His kingdom sweet girl.  We love you soo much!! Happy Gotcha Day!! 
~mommy and daddy 


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Its a library kind of night...

Every now and then as David is getting ready to leave for work - he will say to me today is a "library day."  The very first time he ever told me this - I was like "what???" totally confused - I mean after all what do libraries and selling chicken have in common.  What he meant was that on that particular day he was dedicating his time somewhere off site (in other words not at the home office) to work - catch up on thousands of emails, work on documents etc.  Now he could go to the library - he just needed a quiet place that had free wifi.  Tonight I have created my own library right in my own kitchen.  It has been one of those days that I really would just like to have a do over of (just keeping it real) - but thankfully HIS mercies are new every morning.  And sweet DP actually offered for me to get out of the house for the night - just to go to Starbucks alone to catch up on my literally hundreds of emails.  However I/we have been gone every night this week and I have to be gone tomorrow night - so I really just wanted to stay home.  So I created my own Starbucks atmosphere complete with hot tea and wifi and the best part it was all free and I got to stay in my comfy warm clothes.



My whole purpose for this post is that I want to remember this season that I am living in (not that I think I might forget) I just really want to look back and recall what the Lord has been teaching me.  Clearly back in September the last time I posted I had all these visions of keeping up a blog and making our homeschool blog a yearbook and just journaling down all these memories that are in the making.  But alas real life happens and it did not include blogging.  And I am finally okay with that.  I just need to enjoy the memory making in progress.  On to the point....

Life for us has changed so much in the last two years.  We went from 3 bundles to 4 bundles to 5 bundles and the two new bundles were not baby bundles and they carry baggage... makes a big difference...

As I read the above sentence aloud over and over and let it sink in - my mind is flooded with memories - thank goodness since I don't seem to blog much :-)  There have been lots of joyful memories and fun special occasions AND there have been lots of tired days, exasperated moments.  I have learned so much about sinful self AND my Divine Father.  I was talking with a friend today and she was asking me how life is going these days and I shared with her that this precious verse from Psalms has meant so much to me and God continues to brings it to my mind continually for a million different reasons at a million different times

"The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made......The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works."

I had these great intentions of checking out my favorite commentary and reading what Boice had to say about the whole chapter of Psalm 145 - and I wanted to share it but time got away from me and I am already on borrowed time finishing up this post so maybe another day...ha who am I kidding... I just want to remind myself of this:

Life for me is crazy and I LOVE it.  But I have to be honest - it is hard.  I have two girls who are special needs and communication is not their top skill (unlike their mama)  I homeschool, and I have a boy who is on the brink of that preteen stuff -YIKES!!!! There are days (more than I care to have) when I seem to have NO patience with my precious bundles and I am quick to anger and I am not compassionate and they probably surely are not feeling like they are abounding in my steadfast love.  And everyday is different - each day has its own set of challenges - no one day is like the other because you know that would be to easy!! This is not what I want!!! 

And there God is faithful in all his words reminding me who HE is through HIS written word -that I feel like I never have time to read- so I can be HIM to my bundles - gracious, compassionate, slow to anger.  See the very people that I love the most in this world - the very people who I so desperately want to know really KNOW who Jesus is - don't always see who Jesus is through me.  BUT thankfully - slowly but surely HE is refining me - I am actually glad it is not some quick process - because then I would be back to square one thinking I had it all together again - and in reality - I will NEVER have it all together until Christ returns.  So for now when I have those "mama said there'd be days like this" I quote "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love....faithful in all his words and kind in all his works"and I am thankful its not all up to me....

Father - thank you for your words - thank you for dwelling in me.  Thank you for refining me and thank you that its not all up to me.  But most importantly thank you for forgiveness, thank you that your mercies are new every morning.