Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Confessions of a "cocooning" mother....

Confession number 1: I did not come up with this blog title - my sweet friend Tamara did - and it was just too good I told her I had to use it..

Confession number 2: Currently as I begin to write (you know I won't get to finish this now) I am sitting outside of Abbie's room - it is bedtime and she wants to go downstairs - I have told her we are going to stay up here - she did not like this - so I am listening to her talk her ugly talk to me as I sit with her...nice huh.... 

Confession number 3: I really do not want to be sitting here - I want to be downstairs spending time with my three boys ...

Confession number 4: I am struggling today - I am feeling selfish today - I am missing aspects of what I  might call my old life, I am full of sin ie getting impatient and angry with my children,  amongst other things - I started not even to write that but I need to be truthful - with myself and with you regardless of what others might think.  

Confession number 5: I am a "cocooning" cheater.  We have been out and I have had a few friends stop by - I am sorry Lifeline....  - and yes it usually puts us back a few steps - ie the friend who stopped by today with her kids to bring a meal - well Abbie hit one of her kids... and this friends is why I have to stay home and should not cheat.  Its not like we have been all over and go out frequently - I know all to well the repercussions you know the two steps forward four steps back - but in reality people we had to get out!! And we enjoy the company of others - so yes sometimes its worth the risk.  You are probably wondering where in the world have we went out to well one of our first stops was the good ole Dwarf House our stomping grounds.  And yes she loves CFA nuggets and fries.  One of our other stops was Target where we got Abbie a pair of tennis shoes - and let me tell you she is proud of those shoes.  We have also been to a friends pool as well as my neighbors pool.  So see its not like we have traveled the world - I assure you I will not be getting on a plane with any children for quite some time if I can help it.  

***** Fast forward a few hours - told you I wouldn't finish this post up when I started :-).  Abbie eventually fell asleep, and I did get to enjoy some time with the boys before they had to go to bed.  I continued in my sour mood (my sweet hubs loving on me and assuring me it will get better - thank you DP - ILY!!!)  doing the "mundane" things of motherhood you know loading the dishwasher, getting laundry ready,  filling out medical paper work,  and trying to remind myself of gospel truths.  Psalm 103 came to mind and I rehearsed what I knew of it as I was in the laundry room and purposed to memorize it since I couldn't remember a lot.   As soon as I finished up with what I needed to get done I went straight for my Bible to Psalm 103 - 

"Bless the LORD, O my soul and all that is within me, bless his holy name!! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.  The LORD works righteousness and justices for all who are oppressed.  He made knows his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel.  The LORD is merciful and gracious; slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever.  He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heaves are above the earth so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.  As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.  For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.  As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.  But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to his children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.  Bless the LORD,  O you his angels, you mighty ones who do his word, obeying the voice of his word! Bless the LORD, all his works, in all places of his dominion.  Bless the LORD, O my soul!"

Oh how thankful I am to my Father who does not deal with me according to my sour attitude or my impatience and anger toward others.  This - His word is what I must retreat to - I am thankful for the prodding of the Holy Spirit in bringing this passage to mind.  I was reminded tonight that I must be "breathing deeply the atmosphere of the gospel." "The gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me..... The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ." (quotes taken from A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent) 

Tomorrow is a new day and I pray that I will remember that I stand in grace and rejoice in hope.  Tonight I am going to bed rehearsing Psalm 103 .... "Bless the LORD O my soul....

2 comments:

Rebecca W. said...

Praying for you! I can't imagine the adjustment!

andrea said...

bless the Lord oh my soul...oh oh my soul...worthy is the Lamb. i love that line in that song ;)

your truth & venerability is exactly what adopted families need to hear. adoption isn't easy. adopted children requires different parenting. adoption is God's heart. adoption is the great gift to ALL of us.

this to shall pass

xo xo
andrea