Today was our medical visit day. All kids who are being adopted undergo a medical examination in order to get their visa. All kids who are over the age of 2 must undergo a TB test. Last year when Linnea had her TB test done I was allowed to go in with her and even hold her while they did the stick. Well it looks like the rules have changed because no parent could go in with Abbie - in fact they took her to the room and closed the door while we waited outside. You can probably see where I am going with this. Yep just a few minutes later we had a terrible fit. Yes right inside the medical office building in public - probably her worst fit yet. She again hit, kicked, screamed, pinched and just had a complete meltdown. These moments are hard. We are not exactly sure what triggered this fit of rage or if it was just simply because of what she had endured during the morning - who knows. After our guide came to help us calm her down - she pretty much shunned me for the rest of the morning. We made it through the day with having any more big meltdowns but we certainly got looks and gestures that let us know how she is feeling about us. She also gives us this scowl look while talking to us in Chinese - it sounds like she is cursing us - and for all we know she might be - we certainly can't understand what she is saying. NO ONE would ever think from looking at her pictures that she could be like this - but I am here to tell you pictures can be deceiving. Now when she is having a good day - those pictures are true to life.
I was talking to one of our guides today about Abbie's fits of rage and just wondering what her thoughts were. I find it so interesting that she tells me that just a few day ago the orphanage director called them to let them know that Abbie was very strong willed and stubborn. I find it so interesting that they waited until we were in country before they disclosed that information. Not that we would have changed our minds - but it would have been helpful in preparing us to bring her home.
I will probably say it a million times but this adoption has been soo different from Linnea's. And the bonding and attachment with Abbie is going to take much longer and a lot more work than it did with Linnea. In fact Linnea just crawled out of bed and came straight to me to be cuddled and reassured. The last thing Abbie wants to do with me is cuddle and be reassured I am her mom. Right now I am just a stranger to her. A stranger who speaks "martian" trying to be her boss - and this is not going over well.
I want to say that I do indeed feel your prayers - there was one point today where I could just feel myself getting ready to lose my patience when suddenly I was overwhelmed by grace - and it wasn't me!! For sure the Holy Spirit was working and I know its because of your prayers. For this I can never say THANK YOU enough!
A dear friend reminded today again that this is attachment thing is no joke. Its hard for sure!! And in reality it takes time - and with older child adoptions it takes LOTS of time .. She shared with me a passage in the "Velveteen Rabbit" I think it is so fitting.