Sunday, March 18, 2012

what I am feeling.....

10:37 am China time..... 4 more hours and I become a mother again.  I know I said next time I posted it would when we had Linnea - but what am I supposed to be doing for the next four hours!!!  Besides I want to look back and be able to remember what I was feeling in these last moments and I don't think if I don't write them down then I won't remember with clairty later on.  Thankfully we have a meeting in twenty minutes so that will help pass the time.  Time really could not go any slower right now.  I am a little nervous to be honest.  I have butterflies in my stomach.  I don't even know why I am nervous - well maybe I do.. what if she doesn't like me??  I think that is my biggest concern she might like David more than me.  I know I should not even be worried about these things clearly I know what scripture says about worry and worrying is certainly not going to add days to my life!!  But here I am in my honesty a ball of nerves and excitement.  I am thankful the God has prepared this day long before time began and that He is sovereign and in control.  I am thankful to be adopted myself  this picture of strangers handing over this precious life to me and putting her in my arms is the most eloquent picture of God himself handing over His son to give me life.  I am so overwhelmed and so thankful for His grace.

Thank you again for all your thoughts and encouragements!!! This morning China time - our sweet family at Berachah called us and we were able to hear their voices and what a blessing it was!! I cried tears of happiness and thanksgiving.  What an encouragement to be surrounded by wonderful people halfway across the world.  And I cannot say how grateful I am to CFA for the loaner phone!! Calling home for free is an enormous gift for this mama who is missing her boys something terrible!! Pray for them - especially Ethan - he is having quite a hard time and won't talk to mommy or daddy.  We do know he is missing us as he asks grandma when they are going to the airport to pick mommy up.

Well off to our meeting!!  Maybe for real the next post will have Linnea in it ;-)


Sharon Townsend said...

My eyes are brimming just thinking about how you must be feeling and what the future holds for your family! And excited to be in your shoes in God's perfect time.

andrea said...

Praise the Lord....for His plan is perfect.